Monday, 24 September 2018


Dear Diary,

I wish I knew how I felt. I wish I could write it all down and suddenly it all made sense. But, I can't. There's something wrong with me inside, and I can't put my finger on it. There's this nagging thing that's making me feel irritable and angry. It's caused by more than one thing, and more than one person. It's the little things and sometimes it's that one thing, that can determine my mood for the next 48 hours. It could be jealousy, or maybe it's the feeling of being forgotten. I haven't quite decided which one of the two it is yet.

I have a strong pet hate for people that love to get under my skin. That love to play with my mind and my emotions. Especially when they know my mental health isn't the best at the moment. They do it for their own entertainment and their own ego boost. It's their thing that gives them a kick of happiness, but not for me. The worst thing of all, is that I let it get to me and I react exactly the way they want me to. And I hate myself for that. It's almost like I'm going to have to train my mind to not respond. To become the ice-queen - the Blair Waldorf in situations. But I wear my heart on my sleeve, and my heart isn't really listening these days.

I get a strong hatred when I'm reminded of a situation I don't particularly like. And the less I think of that topic, the happier I feel inside. However, when it's shoved in my face, it makes me feel angry and uncomfortable. Especially when there's unresolved issues with the matter, and it seems that only you realise this. Well, I'm starting to. Maybe it's my own issue and it's something that's petty and unnecessary. But when you have a gut feeling that there's going to be a goodbye, you can't help but feel angry. Especially when you know that there's nothing you can do about it, because the other person just doesn't care. And that's what breaks my heart.

I'm trying to be numb. Trying not to let it hurt me. But there's the emotional side of me that keeps seeping through, and I just can't stop it. But eventually, the people will beat me. And I'll be a shell of failure. Failure to myself and to the person I want to be. And it's making me count down the days.

Friday, 21 September 2018

Spain Travel Diary.

It's official. I'm in grieving mode. All I can think about is Spain, the warm weather and the villa. And I just want to be back. So now it's all about the countdown to Australia. In 2020So instead of wallowing in self-pity, I thought I'd put together a blog post, all about my trip and then I have something to look back on as well. 

The Journey

The journey overall wasn't too bad. We travelled from Leeds to Manchester for the flight. Got lost just before we arrived at the airport (we were supposed to turn right, but went straight on. I knew this was going to happen but just let it, lol). The waiting around was okay, and we only had hand luggage, which meant that we just needed to go straight through to security. We had breakfast, looked around a little bit, and then I think the tiredness hit us all. So after the shortest walk through duty-free ever, we found a lounging area next to our estimated gate. Then when the gate was announced, we queued up and got on the plane. Mine and Phoebe's bags got taken from us and they had to put it under the plane. Annoying, but what can ya do?

I believe the flight took around 2 and a half hours, but with delay, we got there around... 10/11ish. (It’s been at least 2 weeks, I can’t remember what I did yesterday, okay?!) Phoebe and I had to wait for our cases, and then we made our way to the transfer area. We met our van driver around 15 minutes later, whom took us to the car rental place. We got U P G R A D E D ! And the car was insane! Although, being 4 foot 7.5 and getting into this tall-ass car, wasn’t fun. Altogether the car journey was 3 hours. And we got to the villa around 15:30. At this point, I was ready for a nap. But I soildered on.  

The Villa.

Oh my goodness, the villa was heavenly. As you can see from the diagram above, there was a "granny flat" upstairs, which was mine and Phoebe's, and then downstairs was where everyone else slept. It was so spacious and just everything we needed. The pool was FREEZING, however we needed that. (Except first thing on a morning because that was not fun.) It was nice to have a small, private space to ourselves. Which had a a kitchen, an outside balcony area, a bathroom and a double bed. And it was nice when I felt like if I wanted to do something by myself, I had that space that I could kind of escape to. If that makes sense.

However, I would say that a big downfall of having that private space, is also the feeling of being left out. So there would a lot of times where the rest of the fam were making plans downstairs, we weren't always part of them, and we'd get told last minute. Which sometimes sucked. Also, another thing was the feeling of constantly feeling guilty every morning for waking up Phoebe, by opening the door blinds. I'm such a morning person, and knowing that either my brother or sister-in-law was downstairs up with the kids, I just wanted to leave Phoebe to sleep. However, to get out of her way to get there, I was constantly waking her up. (Soz, Feebs).

One of the things that were both good and bad - depending on the day - was how secluded we were. (You’ll see from the vid below), but it was so bad! (But also good. It’s a win-lose situation). The nearest supermarket to us was a 20 minute drive, which to the manager of the villa, decided that was just down the road. However, it was nice to have the privacy for the kids, and for us to just relax without anyone else around. Other than the dogs barking from the villa next door. At literally nothing. Maybe us, who knows...

Holiday Songs.

Obviously, when you’re on holiday there are songs that will iconically become the Holiday Songs. And whenever you hear them post-holiday, it’ll just make you reminisce. In Spain, there were three songs that we could consider our holiday songs:

1. Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B - Girls Like You
2. Marin Morris - The Middle 
3. George Ezra. 

Every time I hear any of the songs now, I just feel sentimental of the good times on the holiday, and takes me back instantly. Sighhhhhh. 

Overall, I found the trip extremely relaxing. It was definitely needed, and came around at just the right time. I am still in my "I Miss Spain" frame of mind. I had some ups and down - mentally - but I really did enjoy having a holiday with my brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew. Sadly I won't be attending the holiday next year, however the rest of the famalam shall be. I also put together a lil video of the holibobs, so enjoy;

Monday, 27 August 2018

Body Confidence.

Following on from my video that just went live at the same time as this post, I wanted to share a little bit more info on why I wanted to do this. I have this weird mentality, where if I say something is okay, and everything is going to run smoothly; I’ll make sure it does. So I keep telling myself I’m going to be absolutely fine mentally on holiday, and I’ll keep telling myself that, until I believe it and it happens. This video for me, was a big one for me. I’m actually surprised I’ve uploaded it and let it go live. But like I said in the video, I’m on my holibobs and not looking online as often so... ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผ‍♀️.


Pinafore dress // Primark
Black shirt // (probs) Primark
Tights // ngl, no idea. Probably George. 


Blush // Makeup Revolution
Eyeshadow // Freedom Eyeshadow

Just a quick disclaimer, O B V I O U S L Y none of these links are affiliated, I’ve not been sponsored by any brands. 

And of course, last but not least, here’s the vid:

Friday, 17 August 2018

Reviewing Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again!

So I feel like I'm finally emotionally stable enough to talk about Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again. And I have A LOT to say!


In 1979 young Donna, Tanya and Rosie graduate from Oxford University -- leaving Donna free to embark on a series of adventures throughout Europe. On her journeys, she makes the acquaintances of Harry, Bill and Sam -- the latter whom she falls in love with, but he's also the man who breaks her heart. In the present day, Donna's pregnant daughter, Sophie, dreams of renovating a taverna while reuniting with her mother's old friends and boyfriends on the Greek island of Kalokairi.

I went into the cinema with my mum both excited and nervous. With the realisation that the weeks of questioning IS DONNA ALIVE?! was finally going to be answered. I was waiting to see this a second time, but with my new work schedule, I haven't managed to see it again yet. But on Monday (20th August) I'm off to see it again, and I CANNOT WAIT!

For me, there was a few difference between the 1st film and the 2nd film. Some bugged me a little bit, just with the continuity of it, and how it changed a lot from the two different films. One of the big ones for me was the dads. Let's look at the differences:

So in the first film, Harry was known as Harry Headbanger. This rock-punk kind of dude with the eyeliner, spiked hair and edgy look to him. In the second film, the only thing that's actually the same, is that he wears a leather jacket. They made the personalities the same; aka awkward, camp, and hilarious. I loved getting to know Harry through Donna, and how they met, etc. But I must I was a little disappointed that he wasn't how he was perceived in the first film at this age.

Sam Carmichael. He's made out to be a "hippie" type of character with long hair, weird facial hair and extremely old school. But the Sam from the second film had medium-length hair, wore a leather jacket, and drove a motorcycle. And with Bill Anderson's character. I feel is the only one that got represented similarly. Josh Dylan played Bill very well, I feel. The hair was a little shorter for Young Bill, and he wasn't as "hippie" as he was made out to be in the first film, but I felt like he was the most realistically and similar in both films. 

Another thing that really confused me was Donna's mum. In the first film, after Super Trooper, she states that she's dead. "Somebody up there, has got it in for me. I bet it's my mother." So when she appears in the second film and I was like ?????

Now moving onto the music. THE. MUSIC!!!! I AM OBSESSED! I listen to the music CONSTANTLY and I'm writing in caps because that's how excited I am!!!!

My favourite songs are When I Kissed The Teacher, Why Did It Have To Be Me? and Andante, Andante. I love the vibe of this album and it's such a feel-good album.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you which film I prefer because I love them both for different reasons. So if you haven't seen it, 1 are you crazy?! Go see it and let me know what you think!!

Wednesday, 15 August 2018

What I Ate Wednesday

I must admit, I can be very lazy with what I eat on an evening. Pre-made meals from M&S are something that I live off. And they’re the balanced ones. But, let’s be real. They ain’t doing me any good. So instead, last week I decided to make my own meals and see how I felt afterwards. Honestly? 10 times better!! I think it’s because I was aware of what ingredients was in every meal, and if I wanted to, I could have counted the calories too.

So I took images of the first 4 days, as this is when I was at my dad’s and prepared it all myself. Here they are:

Monday: Pesto Fish with boiled potatoes, peppers and veg. 

Not gonna lie, I was so excited to make this. No idea why. I saw an image online and ever since, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I decided to get the ingredients and just make it. 

  • Fish (of your choice)
  • Pesto
  • Boiled Potatoes
  • Red Peppers
  • Carrots
Making this meal was actually kind of a "risk" because I wasn't sure how pesto on fish would actually taste to me. I can be known to be quite picky when it comes to food. Only because I only liked a small amount of food when I was young, and now as I'm an adult, I love experimenting. Not gonna lie, my taste buds were a little confused, because usually when I have pesto, it's on chicken. And eating this, I expected it to taste the same (don't know why). But I really enjoyed it, and it was really filling.

Tuesday: Chicken Stir-fry.

Okay I confess! I attempted to make my Mum's Famous Stir Fry and I FAILED!!! No one can make the stir fry like her, and I will HATE anyone else's. Including my own. I was so gutted as well, because I had been looking forward to this all day, and it just wasn't good.

  • Chicken breast
  • Mixed Pepper Stir Fry Mix
  • Light Soy Sauce
I was all ready to be proper smug with my mum, and prove that I could make a better stir fry than hers, and it completely flopped. Honestly have no idea where it went wrong! Might be because my mum uses Birdseye Chicken Breasts and I used regular???? Not a clue! But I sent her a picture and even she admitted, it looked pretty shit. So note to self: just leave it to the expert.

Wednesday: Homemade Prawn Linguine

I decided to put the two pictures up so it kind of made sense why it looks so weird and maybe gross???? Basically on a Wednesday, if I have the day off on Thursday, I go to my Nana and Grandad's house and we eat there for tea. 

  • Prawns
  • Tagliatelle 
  • Garlic
  • Dry White Wine
  • Double Thick Cream
  • Parmesan 
I found this recipe online and I LOVE IT! This is a brand new thing I'm obsessed with making. My best friend Phoebe has asked if I'll make it on holiday as well, so looks like we have one meal sorted LOL. I made a big batch for my dad and I, and honestly it's so DELISH! This is deffo one where I'd make a side post/video on how to make this. Although, I get stressed halfway through.

Thursday: Steak with diane sauce and veg.

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I'm aware there's A LOT of sauce on there. In fact, here's the conversation I had with Phoebe:

I'm a follow the instructions, kind of gal. And that's what it told me to put in! I realised, as I poured it out, that it was a bit too much. But OH WELL!

  • Sirloin Steak
  • Broccoli
  • Carrots
  • SA Sauces; Diane Sauce
SA Sauces is a brand that I came across at The North Leeds Food Festival. The owner had a stall, and we tried some of her sauces, and I bought some. I've been meaning to try a new one for weeks, and decided to use the Diane Sauce with my steak. And it didn't disappoint! Loved it! Check them out because they're super cheap and affordable!

But anyway, the meal. I thought the Diane sauce had a lovely kick to it! It was thick and creamy (sounds gross), and I really liked it. Highly recommend.

Overall, I loved making the food. I felt more in control, and I loved knowing what was being put into the meals. If you're feeling like you're in a slum and want to try out any of the meals, go for it and let me know. And if you want a recipe of any of the meals I made, leave me a comment or a tweet, and I'll do it!

Friday, 10 August 2018


Happy Friday everybody! I thought I would post a brand new workout for you all to give it a try. I've tested this myself and can confirm that it's brutal, and you definitely feel it the next day.

Let me know how you get on with this one!

Wednesday, 8 August 2018

Can’t Win.

There’s been an almost revelation in my head,
That maybe it’s time to make this bed. 
Because what I thought was real,
Isn’t what you feel.
And maybe now, it’s time to say goodbye. 

I realise that what I was thinking was wrong,
That maybe you’d change, and I’d belong.
But I feel like a naive child,
For allowing my head to be wild. 
Now it’s time to let the thoughts die. 

Wednesday, 25 July 2018


So if you don't know by now that I'm writing a book, then you seriously must be new around here. And I've been writing it since April 2018, and nope! Still not finished - I'm a perfectionist, okay?! BUT I have decided that I can't be writing this book forever. I need to finish it THIS YEAR. Yep. Guess whose finally given their self a deadline. And this time, I'm gonna stick to it! And this is how I'm going to do it... (Also soz for the lack of photos. My laptop has decided it doesn't recognise my memory card anymore. So... ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผ‍♀️)

Set myself deadlines a day

A little like Jane Villanueva from Jane The Virgin, I've set myself daily goals of how many words I want to achieve. I've written this in my daily organiser. I've done this before and found it was a very effective tool to work with. Usually I go for 1000 words a day, however if I've got nothing else that day (i.e not visiting friends or going to the gym), I can write for longer.

Creating a spreadsheet

Okay so this one is slightly nerdy. Technically unnecessary, but this stuff really helps me look at things from a different point of view. It helps me see how many pages I'm at, how many words I've written altogether, and also which were the better days for me. Okay, I'm also an organised freak that requires order. Don't judge me.

This is what I've started with as of right now, however in September, I'll update you on how well I've progressed with the book, thanks to these little tools. Sorry this is a short and sweet one, however I really wanted to get a post up about my book. 

If you have any tips and tricks on what works with your writing, please let me know in the comments below!

Wednesday, 18 July 2018

An Open Letter To My Teenage Self.

Based on the age of 15/16.

I know right now, you feel nothing but guilt inside, and everything feels dark. And sometimes numb. Unfortunately, I can't promise you that disappears. It's going to stick with you, and it's going to change you as a person. But it's okay, you're going to meet someone that's going to be your rock through all of it. It's not a boy, or a romantic relationship. It's a best friend. And trust me, I know you feel like that girl you're best friends with now is there with you for the long run, but she's going to turn toxic. This best friend won't judge you, or ever make you feel idiotic. 

I know the voices are taking over your thought process right now, and you're feeling a little lost. I know you're being quiet, because you think it's going to help, but unfortunately it's all going to blow up in your face before you know it. Your brother's going to hate you and your dad's going to be disappointed. But eventually, everyone moves on and everyone's happy. I promise you.

You keep feeling like there's something not quite right with you. And every time you try to open up with mum and dad, they brush you off like you're being silly. But stick with it. You're right, and we're trying to work through it even now. Just don't forget to keep being you. Losing yourself isn't worth it. 

Overall, if I were to tell you anything, I'd tell you you're doing fine. Everything gets better than where you are right now. Wait until you meet the two little people that you're going to love forever. 

Thursday, 12 July 2018

Smile of delight.

Ocean blue eyes,
And a smile of delight.
This is what I think about all the time. 

Wednesday, 11 July 2018


It’s something that is often a thought in my mind. No matter what I’m doing the day, or who I’m with. It’s the looking down and trying to cover it, as I see reflections of myself in shop windows or mirrors. I almost feel disgusting for even going outside sometimes. 

It’s feeling like I’ve failed myself, for not being where I wanted to be in this moment. It doesn’t happen every day, but when it’s there, it appears in heaps and waves. And I’m unable to get it out of my mind. I fixate over it. Deciding against that outfit I originally loved, but I’m now against because of how I look. 

It’s a mental state of mind, and unfortunately for me, it’s just another addition to the list. But whenever I see myself; there’s always a negative, before a positive. 

Tuesday, 10 July 2018


It's the way my heart skips a beat when I first see him that day.
It's the picture of his smile that sticks in my head.
And it's the way our eyes meet from across the room.

It's these little things, that reels me back to him. And I find myself being enchanted by him. There's something about my eyes, that seem to draw back to him, whenever he's nearby.

He's almost like an addiction that I've kept to myself for so many months. Unable to speak out loud about it still, even though the drug is well aware of its own existence. I'm too scared to even do anything when he's around; worried that a simple step towards him, will cause myself to break down.

I wish I had the confidence to move this thing forward. To chance the thoughts inside my head, rather than them keeping me awake. But unfortunately the fear kicks in, and it's just the smile and a "hello" that I'll have to deal with. Until then, he's still an addiction. 

Monday, 9 July 2018

Silence Is Deafening

My heart still skips a beat when you walk into the room,
However, this ignorance you've created, is making me think doom.
All I want is to stare into your ocean blue eyes,
But you're giving me nothing, to my surprise.

I stay quiet, saying nothing to no one,
But this feels like a standstill; why are we not in motion?
So many thoughts are going 'round in my head,
Keeping me up as I like awake in my bed.

I've served the ball over to you,
Are you going to make me feel blue?
Because this silence is deafening,
And to speak up is almost threatening. 

But this is the choice I've made,
To see if my silence has paid.
I want to make you wonder,
Why my face is like thunder.

Friday, 29 June 2018


So if you've been reading my blog for a little while, you'll know that fitness takes over my life 4/5 times a week. I attend classes, do my own thing sometimes, etc. And while I'm there, I also take note of the workouts that have really worked with me. So, because I'm so lovely, I thought I'd share a new workout with you all!

An app that I use to time my workouts is "Seconds". You can personalise it to however you want to use it to suit you perfectly. (Obvs not a spon. Just a personal preference).

It's a good high intensity workout. Trying a brand new one tomorrow - so will probs put that one up soon! Let me know in the comments if you try this one out and what you thought! (By the way, this is a workout from a personal trainer at the gym. I'm not claiming this as my own).

Wednesday, 27 June 2018

Ocean Blue

He's someone that I've admired from afar,
Not telling anyone, so it doesn't leave a scar.

But there's something about his ocean blue eyes,
That's got my gaze lingering and heaving hopeful sighs.

Unfortunately due to my long list of preference,
Showing pictures to people as a reference.
That unfortunately this will just be a crush,
When a simple interaction can make me blush.

He's someone that I'll admire from afar,
Because the rejection will leave me a scar.
But his presence causes me to stare,
And silently ponder without a care.

Friday, 22 June 2018

Improving My Tattoos!

I admit that I’ve been slacking on my blog, which I apologise for. However, I can say that after this post, I will be more active and uploading two posts a week. It’s just deciding the days that I’ll be uploading…

Anyway, 2 years ago, I went with my friend Joanne to get a tattoo done. Well, it was two. One on each wrist. The tattoos were linked, and had two meanings to them. 1. The four leaf clover represented my niece (and now nephew, now that he’s born). 2. It also represents a One Direction song: End Of The Day. “Just Me, Her (Mollie & now Oisin so them), and the Moon.” (The second tattoo on my other wrist). And I was a bit… I wasn’t satisfied with how it looked basically. And I have gotten sick and tired of explaining what the four leaf clover is; “is it a broccoli?” “Is it a tree?” No, it’s a four leaf clover ๐Ÿ™„, so I finally decided to get something done about it: get it redone.

For me, even though the whole fear of saying no to someone is a big thing in my life; I really wanted to get this redone, as it was a symbol of something big and important in my life. So when my mum and I finally arranged an appointment to get it done on Wednesday (20th June). Full of nerves and eager to go, I finally made it. I'm not going to lie, I did apply numbing cream. Is that cheating??? It's not really when it didn't fecking work! Story of my life. 

So I went in with shaky hands and butterflies in my we arrived at the tattoo place. The pain wasn't as bad as I originally made it out to be. I have really sensitive skin and I hate pain. Because it's on the inside of my wrist as well, I was obvs really nervous. Turns out. as soon as you get used to the feeling, it ain't too bad.
I am absolutely obsessed with them and I love them so much! If you're thinking of getting a tattoo done, but you're worried about the pain, it's not as bad as you think, honestly.

Monday, 11 June 2018

The Fear Of Eating Out

I think when you're in the comfort of your own home and you're highly aware of what's in the fridge, and when you'll be eating them; dinnertime isn't something that's considered scary. However, take me to any restaurant, pub or cafe, and I am SCREWED! Looking through the menu and just knowing that everything is bad for me, and the fear of just not knowing the calories, or what it's going to do to my body.

Eating out with friends and family are both two different things for me. I think eating out with friends, is kind of when I can make both good and bad decisions with food. I'm either heavily influenced by their choices, or I just go for something that sounds extremely healthy, that actually doesn't taste so good.

(Not my picture, this belongs to my gal Lauren.)

This is one of the meals I've had recently with friends, Deanna and Lauren. This was an offer for 3 Tapas options with a free large glass of wine for £13.95. And honestly? It was probably one of the healthiest options I've ever had. Here's what I had:
  • Goat's Cheese & Spinach Croquettes
  • Garlic Mushrooms on Sourdough Toast (v)
  • Bacon Popcorn
Not gonna lie, I do realise that bacon popcorn isn't the most healthiest option out of the three, however there wasn't anything else there that didn't have a spice. I'm not the biggest spice fan, and especially hate anything with a chilli dip. Altogether though, I honestly loved the food, it was delicious, and I'd definitely try that again!

So that was on Tuesday. It was perf, and then on Thursday, I met up with another friend of mine: Danielle. We went to Nandos which is one of those restaurants that make me nervous. I had a Butterfly Chicken, which was the healthy part. And then chips and garlic bread as sides. I eat rather healthy, so carbs can be okay as well.

If anyone has any tips and tricks for eating out with friends and family, please let me know in the comments below.

Thursday, 7 June 2018

Dear Diary; Please forgive me, for I have sinned.

I think that because in the past, writing in my diary was classed as a form of therapy for me; I think is why I've been putting it off. Because of my mental health, and how overthinking makes my emotions turmoil, I think is why I've been avoiding it. However, whenever I get the need - the want, to write in my diary, there’s almost a voice inside my head that tells me not to. Almost dares me, at the same time. And I don’t know why it is. My diary is a safe place. It’s my little book of thoughts and emotions written down, for just me to read. What am I scared of?

I think overall, it’s the old worry from my old job, that maybe someone will read it. A family member, a friend if they see it. Curiosity is everywhere, and you never know. I once caught my dad reading some lyrics I’d written in there. As soon as I did, I called him out on it. He apologised instantly, as he wasn’t aware it was my diary. He thought it was just a notebook with lyrics on. And my dad is one of my biggest supporters when it comes to anything creative. Whether that be editing or writing. He just wants me to follow my dreams. 

Especially last year, when my mental health was constantly up and down, there was this assumption in my head; that if I didn't write it down in my diary, it didn't happen. And I think that's mentally still my thought process. But I should be writing everything down. Because when I'm older, I know I'll want to read back of everything that happened.

I'm slowly on a journey to both love myself, and love my diary again. (Two different journeys - one important and one not so important???) Well, that's what other people think. My diary is something that has always been one of those things that I love having with me. Almost like a comfort blanket.

It sounds silly, but life just sometimes gets in the way. And I feel like, if I want to get something done sometimes, I need to set myself reminders. And it does sound silly. It should be the last thing that I do. Like vlogging, I want to look back at my entries and feel like I'm there all over again.

My love for writing in a diary originated from a British TV Show called My Mad Fat Diary. (If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it!) That show is how I met both Phoebe and Joanne. I was so good 2014-2016 writing in a diary. So I need to get back on it! It's June now, and I feel like I've barely written in it. 

Do any of you guys write a diary, Bridget Jones or Rae Earl style? What kind of diaries do you write in? Is it a daily diary like Bridget? Or is it just a random notebook like myself and Rae? Let me know in the comments below.

Monday, 4 June 2018

Another Hint Of Clarity

It was a moment of clarity, when she realised it was better being the one he could always turn to; rather than being the one on her arm.

It's when she sat beside him, and their arms brushed that she realised, maybe this wasn't what she wanted after all. But instead, it was the laughs they shared, and the jokes they made.

She wondered if she really ever sat down and thought about it, if it was the comforting thought she wanted, or if it was really him. But as she sat there, in that moment, with him sitting beside her; she realised. She would rather have him in her life forever, rather than just for a little while.

And that for her, was clarity.

Saturday, 2 June 2018

Are you Beach Body Ready? No? Me Neither...

Continuing on my body positivity on my blog, I wanted to do a small blog post in regards to the whole "beach body ready" saga. I find it really annoying when it's coming to Summer, that there's so many adverts and signs that say, "are you beach body ready?" And then there's some diet pills, shake replacement meals or something else. My question is: what the hell is beach body ready? What body shape makes you look ready for the beach?

When searching it, this is what comes up:
Image result for beach body ready

When I personally think of myself and my body being "beach body ready", I always think of this picture:

This is where I felt the most positive about my body. And I can tell you now, my body doesn't look like that. My thighs have gotten bigger, so has my backside, and my love handles are more obvious. But myself and Phoebe have been talking. We're going on holiday in August, and with my body positivity, but also insecurities, I've been wondering about the whole, bikini thing. 

We're going away with my mum, her boyfriend, Thomas (brother), Catherine (sister in law) and the kiddos are all going together, and we're all so, so excited. With so many people going, my anxiety is going sky high, and all I want to do is be at the gym and eating salads. But like Phoebe said, we're all comfortable with each other, so why should I care?

I am still going to go to the gym the same amount of times that I usually go. I will still keep eating healthy, and panic when going out for food. I just need to keep my head focused on my healthy lifestyle that I want. Because after all: a healthy mind is a healthy life. Or is it the other way around?

The point of this post is that if you're getting down over the adverts and posts about being "beach body ready", then don't worry. Your body is beautiful and stop freaking out about not having the right body for the summer. There's no such thing as having the right body, and you need to learn to accept yourself the way you are.