FITNESS FRIDAY

Happy Friday everybody! I thought I would post a brand new workout for you all to give it a try. I've tested this myself and can confirm that it's brutal, and you definitely feel it the next day.

Let me know how you get on with this one!

Can’t Win.

There’s been an almost revelation in my head,

That maybe it’s time to make this bed. 

Because what I thought was real,

Isn’t what you feel.

And maybe now, it’s time to say goodbye. 

I realise that what I was thinking was wrong,

That maybe you’d change, and I’d belong.

But I feel like a naive child,

For allowing my head to be wild. 

Now it’s time to let the thoughts die. 

GETTING SHIT DONE!

So if you don't know by now that I'm writing a book, then you seriously must be new around here. And I've been writing it since April 2018, and nope! Still not finished - I'm a perfectionist, okay?! BUT I have decided that I can't be writing this book forever. I need to finish it THIS YEAR. Yep. Guess whose finally given their self a deadline. And this time, I'm gonna stick to it! And this is how I'm going to do it... (Also soz for the lack of photos. My laptop has decided it doesn't recognise my memory card anymore. So... 🤷🏼‍♀️)

Set myself deadlines a day

A little like Jane Villanueva from Jane The Virgin, I've set myself daily goals of how many words I want to achieve. I've written this in my daily organiser. I've done this before and found it was a very effective tool to work with. Usually I go for 1000 words a day, however if I've got nothing else that day (i.e not visiting friends or going to the gym), I can write for longer.

Creating a spreadsheet

Okay so this one is slightly nerdy. Technically unnecessary, but this stuff really helps me look at things from a different point of view. It helps me see how many pages I'm at, how many words I've written altogether, and also which were the better days for me. Okay, I'm also an organised freak that requires order. Don't judge me.


This is what I've started with as of right now, however in September, I'll update you on how well I've progressed with the book, thanks to these little tools. Sorry this is a short and sweet one, however I really wanted to get a post up about my book. 

If you have any tips and tricks on what works with your writing, please let me know in the comments below!

An Open Letter To My Teenage Self.

Based on the age of 15/16.

I know right now, you feel nothing but guilt inside, and everything feels dark. And sometimes numb. Unfortunately, I can't promise you that disappears. It's going to stick with you, and it's going to change you as a person. But it's okay, you're going to meet someone that's going to be your rock through all of it. It's not a boy, or a romantic relationship. It's a best friend. And trust me, I know you feel like that girl you're best friends with now is there with you for the long run, but she's going to turn toxic. This best friend won't judge you, or ever make you feel idiotic. 

I know the voices are taking over your thought process right now, and you're feeling a little lost. I know you're being quiet, because you think it's going to help, but unfortunately it's all going to blow up in your face before you know it. Your brother's going to hate you and your dad's going to be disappointed. But eventually, everyone moves on and everyone's happy. I promise you.

You keep feeling like there's something not quite right with you. And every time you try to open up with mum and dad, they brush you off like you're being silly. But stick with it. You're right, and we're trying to work through it even now. Just don't forget to keep being you. Losing yourself isn't worth it. 

Overall, if I were to tell you anything, I'd tell you you're doing fine. Everything gets better than where you are right now. Wait until you meet the two little people that you're going to love forever. 

Smile of delight.

Ocean blue eyes,
And a smile of delight.
This is what I think about all the time. 

Dysmorphia.

It’s something that is often a thought in my mind. No matter what I’m doing the day, or who I’m with. It’s the looking down and trying to cover it, as I see reflections of myself in shop windows or mirrors. I almost feel disgusting for even going outside sometimes. 

It’s feeling like I’ve failed myself, for not being where I wanted to be in this moment. It doesn’t happen every day, but when it’s there, it appears in heaps and waves. And I’m unable to get it out of my mind. I fixate over it. Deciding against that outfit I originally loved, but I’m now against because of how I look. 

It’s a mental state of mind, and unfortunately for me, it’s just another addition to the list. But whenever I see myself; there’s always a negative, before a positive. 

Addiction.

It's the way my heart skips a beat when I first see him that day.
It's the picture of his smile that sticks in my head.
And it's the way our eyes meet from across the room.

It's these little things, that reels me back to him. And I find myself being enchanted by him. There's something about my eyes, that seem to draw back to him, whenever he's nearby.

He's almost like an addiction that I've kept to myself for so many months. Unable to speak out loud about it still, even though the drug is well aware of its own existence. I'm too scared to even do anything when he's around; worried that a simple step towards him, will cause myself to break down.

I wish I had the confidence to move this thing forward. To chance the thoughts inside my head, rather than them keeping me awake. But unfortunately the fear kicks in, and it's just the smile and a "hello" that I'll have to deal with. Until then, he's still an addiction.