ORGANISING MY BOOKCASE!

Hello everyone! Hope you're all doing well! Today wasn't supposed to be an organising style video, however I was working this weekend, so I haven't had chance to edit the skincare routine (coming Friday). But I filmed and edited this on Thursday, on my day off, so I've got a post for today!

I hope this isn't too boring for you, however I really enjoyed these kinds of video. Let me know in the comments, what you think of my new and organised bookcase.

Bedroom tour!

Hello lovelies and happy Monday! Today is a brand new week which is amazing, and it’s also my big brother’s birthday! Anyhoo... I wanted to do a post all about my room. This is definitely a different style of post for me, however I love watching people showing interior designs; such as Anna Saccone-Joly, who shows updates on Instagram stories.

 Because this used to be my - ironically - brother’s bedroom and then he moved to Ireland. So it’s now mine. For years, we spent time moving me in and out of this room, because he and his now wife, couldn’t decide where they wanted to live. (Annoying? Yes).

I’ve wanted to decorate my bedroom, ever since I moved in to be honest. It was very masculine and more of my brother’s taste. No offence to him, but I didn’t like it very much. So I started with bedding and then kept hinting to my dad. When I went away to Spain last year, he finally changed it, and I LOVED IT!

I’m so gutted I don’t have a before picture, but oh well! I love the grey walls and the grey carpet. I have an obsessed with grey at the minute, and it’s quite a neutral colour. I feel as if any bright colour could go with it. I also have an obsession - as do most people these days - with marble as well. Just something about it. 

As you will have seen in a really old blog post, I did move my desk into my room. Although annoyingly, the internet has decided it no longer wants to reach my laptop up there, so working is quite difficult sometimes. Especially blogging. I’m trying to clean it up more, as admittedly, my desk has turned into my dumping ground. (Tracy Beaker reference there)

Where the wardrobe and draws are, is where my bed used to bed. And I hated it. Being too close to both the radiator and the window, isn’t something I like. I asked my dad if I could switch the entire furniture, and I’m glad I did. Because it looks so much better now! I also have the boiler in my room. Which is not fun, but ah well. 

For my birthday last month, my dad bought me a bookcase. I realise this might seem like an odd gift, however I wanted somewhere to put my books and to organise it. (I love organising, I’m weird that way). So I was delighted when it arrived on my birthday, and that’s still a bit of a mess. I seem to start projects and then forget about them. Oops?

The room still isn’t 100% complete. Some of the walls are still bare, however it’s a work in progress. I still need to add more personal touches to it, so I’ll be sure to update you, most likely on Instagram stories, so you can see the updates there. Thanks for reading and see you Friday!

Birthday weekend in Leceister!

Hola! Hope you’re all well! It feels so good to be back blogging!!! I hope my first post wasn’t too boring, but I wanted to do a quick catchup, before I get back into different posts.

So as I slightly mentioned in my previous post, I travelled down to Leicester on 22nd February, to celebrate our birthday weekend with my twin/best friend Phoebe. (Just for the record, we’re not actually twins. Just have the same birthday. We’re a year apart!) And the reason why we chose Leicester, is because it was the halfway point for us both, which made the trip for us fair.

Phoebe and I decided we didn’t want to stay in just a regular old hotel room, with just a bed and bathroom. We wanted a little place for us to be able to chill out and watch tv, etc. So we decided to take a look on air bnb. I’d never actually used it before, but I always loved the concept. (This is obviously not a spon, but yeah) We finally found a really nice one; it fit both of our personalities and aesthetics in one apartment and it was perfect. So we booked it and hey ho! The trip was happening! [if you want to see the apartment we stayed in, click here].

It took me just under 2 hours to get there. I soon realised, after parking up - horrendously - that it was a student area. This most definitely wasn’t a problem at all; but it was something I noticed. Phoebe still had around a 20 minute drive, and then after a quick phone call, realised it would probably be best to meet somewhere to do some shopping. So we met in a shopping centre, had food, did some shopping; and then met one of the co-owners at the apartment. We. Were. In. Love. It was so much better than the pictures, and we couldn’t believe our luck for the price! 

Whilst we were there we went to see Leicester Abbey, we went for a lovely meal at Prezzo for a birthday meal, and then spent Sunday hungover (just me), due to Phoebe hating prosseco and us having 2 bottles of it. We watched A LOT of Gilmore Girls, and I am officially obsessed with it!

Didn't want to babble on for too long, however it was the perfect weekend, and I really enjoyed it. A weekend of reconnecting and catching up! ❤

Oh, hi 2019! How are ya?!

Well… hi there! It’s 2019 and I’m finally blogging on here! I’ve missed this little space of mine! I wanted to do a little catchup post, letting you know what you’ve missed, and then I’m going to try and post regularly.

So here's what you've missed...

I went to Northern Ireland to visit the famalam in November, and to celebrate my nephew's 2nd birthday. (He hasn't grown to love taking pictures with me, like this one has). It was so much fun, and he can even say my name. So this makes me very happy! 

Family time for me is everything. I'm such a family-orientated person, and whenever I'm surrounded the Irish lot, everything feels whole. I also love how chill it is when we go over. As you can see, we did go out as well and it was delish!

Celebrated Christmas and the New Year. I felt very Christmassy once all my shopping was done. Before then - not so much. Christmas has been bittersweet for me, since I was 15 years old. Just because I spend time separately with both parents, and sometimes it gets a little tough. However, every year as a tradition, my dad and I will go visit my nana ans grandad. We say hello for an hour or so, and then all the men go with my grandad to his club and have a few. 

For the past two years, I go from my nana's and go to my mum's local pub. We have a bottle of prosecco and cheers to Christmas. A nice, new tradition, now that I'm an adult.

The New Year was standard. I didn't actually stay awake for the countdown, and my first memory of 2019 was my dad shouting me awake. I said, "what?", saw the fireworks, said "happy new year" and then went to bed. Classic.





Another thing that's happened is... I finished my book. It was emotional for me, and it still feels weird knowing there's nothing else to write. My little world I've created in words, is now complete. Nothing left to add. Now it's time to try my hardest to get it out there. Fingers crossed.

On the last weekend of February, I travelled all the way down to Leicester, to see Phoebe and to also celebrate our birthday together. Some of you may or may not know, but Phoebe and I share the same birthday. Yep. Best friends and twins. (Not literally lolz) And it was so lovely to spend the morning together for the first time in the (nearly) six years we've been friends! 

Not going to say too much on this one, as I have a full blog post planned.

And finally... I turned 24. Probs guessed that from the Leicester section. Yep. I'm 24 now and life is good again. I have a thing about even numbers, so it makes me happy knowing I'm finally an even number and not an odd. Weirdo, I know.





Aaaaaaand that's all folks! I'll be back on Friday with a post all about Leicester!

The Final Chapter

It started with the green-eyed monster.
And I found myself becoming obsessed with it.
Butterflies were becoming sickening,
And something didn't feel right.
I found myself getting annoyed.
Seeing all the messages we've sent.
Knowing that nothing would ever come of it.
Although I found myself hoping for it.

I was preparing to tell you everything.
To finally pour out my heart and soul.
But everything was confirmed.
And then I began seeing red.
It's the feeling of being led on.
It's the stupidity of having hope.
But now I know the truth.
And this is my final chapter for you. 

MY MENTAL HEALTH STORY.

My mental health was triggered when I was 15, and my parents separated. There was a lot of secrets involved that I wasn’t allowed to say to anyone, and it really messed with my head. I was paranoid, I was constantly at a low, and constantly on the verge of either tears or screaming. This lasted for a year and then everything seemed to fizz down a bit.

When I turned 18, my coping mechanism was alcohol. I’d drink so much until I blacked out, and wouldn’t remember anything the next day. The stories I used to hear, from my family the next day, made me think I’m a whole new person. This lasted for a while. I felt quite low, thanks to just finishing College and not having a job. I found it quite difficult not having some sort of routine.

My actual mental journey started properly when I was 22. I’d have episodes of depression, where I felt numb constantly, I’d avoid conversations with friends and family, and I’d lock myself in my room. My parents were getting worried and I couldn’t explain what was wrong with me. I’d go to a job I hated, do the job emotionless, come home and then repeat. There were nights where I’d wake up with the feeling that my bones were shaking. I wasn’t cold, but my insides were. It’d take me an hour to warm myself up, calm my head, and then sleep. I googled what it was, as it happened quite a few times one week. And then realised, waking up to the feeling that your bones are shivering; is a sign of anxiety.

Now that I knew what it was, it all made sense. I always had an inkling that I had depression and anxiety, but nobody quite believed me. My mum and dad - even to this day - will sweep it under the carpet and refuse that my diagnosis is actually a mental health issue. I went to the doctors and had an assessment. She confirmed that I was suffering with mild depression and anxiety. And then she prescribed me with some anti-depressants. This wasn’t something that worked with me. People told me it would take a week for them to kick in, but they kicked in instantly. I suffered terrible insomnia the next few nights, I was constantly hungry, and always felt drained. I didn’t look right, and didn’t feel like myself. It was almost like I could feel the tablets sucking away at the person I am.

By the third day, I’d had enough. I got home, pulled them out of my bag and passed them at my mum. “Throw them, burn them, flush them down the toilet. I cannot cope with these anymore! They’re messing with my head!” Were the exact words I said that Friday in March last year.  She threw them away and I never went back to them.

I find that whenever I can feel a wave of anxiety or depression hitting me, exercise works well for me. The endorphins that leave your body and make you feel lighter and happier. I thought it was a load of rubbish, but it’s true. I had a low, depressive episode a few weeks ago. My dad asked once, and I lied and said I was fine. I felt exhausted, drained. Just basically sick of putting on a phase that I’m fine. And I got to the gym class, he walked over to me and said, “okay what’s wrong? Your face looks really different. You look exhausted.” So I explained my mental health was acting up and I felt really low. After the class, I felt so much better.

For me, coping with my mental health is by listening to my body. The older I get, the more aware I feel and know what I need. I know exercise is good for me. And when I’m drinking and feel the feeling of, “I just want to Black Out” coming close, I will stand up, pour out the wine, and sleep. Let my body recharge overnight.

JOANNE'S MENTAL HEALTH STORY!

I’ve always been an anxious person, and a worrier/over-thinker for as long as I can remember. I just put it down to how my brain works and how I was born. I worry about everything and nothing, especially when it comes to my family, and I’ve always done that.

My anxiety comes in many forms and it triggers at certain things. The big ones are travelling, working nights at work, and social situations. I hate going ‘out out’ because I get so uncomfortable and paranoid around drunk people (because I don’t really drink myself so I’m always sober if I go out) and I hate being in that environment. I also hate telephone calls. I will avoid it at all costs where I can (unless its super important).

My fear of travelling has always been there. I’m not scared of flying or anything like that, I always just worry about stuff back home and if the worst was to happen (such as if the vehicle crashed or we got hit by another car. I know this is dark!).

I always played down my anxiety as just worrying and functioned on a day to day basis as usual, but it was always there. I think what tipped me over the edge of needing to get help was a couple of factors. One being starting my night shifts at work and I get myself all worked up about them (when I know they’re okay and there’s never any issues), and the second being the Manchester Attack last May (I won’t get into that because it’s a very horrible event to talk about for the victims and their families).

I finally plucked up the courage to speak to the GP and it was the best thing I ever did! He was so understanding and listened to my problems and helped me the best he could. I was then prescribed Sertraline which is an anti-anxiety medication. I also self-referred to an online counselling service, which I had a counsellor on the other end who would send me messages every week about my progress on the app.

I didn’t find the online service particularly helpful, because it was a series of modules and it didn’t do much for my anxiety and mood, but the medication really helped me. I felt a difference within a week or two and I felt so much better. I know medication is not the cure, but it definitely helps. I felt my mood lift and help me function better.

Now, I did something very stupid and stopped taking them after a while because I felt I was better (because the tablets were working), and that’s when my mood began to plummet again. I have done this a couple of times now and I’ve had to go back to the GP to get another prescription, which sucks. I have found some of the doctors I’ve had about this very condescending and made me feel worse and embarrassed (which I think puts a lot of people off from going because of that fear) but I got through it.

I am now back on the medication and it’s helping but not to the extent it was before, so I am thinking of going back to the doctors to have this increased, but they’re definitely taking the edge off my anxious thoughts and paranoia.

The strategies I use to help deal with this and what hobbies/activities, are spending time with my family and friends, watching YouTube and Netflix, listening to music (and singing and dancing around my bedroom like an idiot) and doing makeup.

I am so passionate about makeup and it’s a relaxation method for me. I can focus and put all of my energy into creating a look, and I don’t have anxious thoughts. I don’t do it to make myself look better (which helps I must say) and I don’t do it for anyone else, but it makes me feel better and, when it’s all done, I feel unstoppable and fierce (which sounds so cliché I know). It’s a great relaxation method for me.

My family are so understanding and support me no matter what and have been a massive help. I would be a mess without them, so when I spend time with them, they help me relax and calm down and it makes me happier. Same goes with friends, I have amazing friends who understand and support me (who are also writing in this series!). We all help each other I think with different problems and its nice to have someone to talk to who understands.

That pretty much sums up my story, experience and my coping strategies. Living with anxiety is not fun at all, its like a constant knot in your stomach that can’t be shifted just by telling yourself to calm down and that it’s nothing. It’s affected me so much (and still does) but I can function as a human being and I am determined not to let it run my life. I hope this was helpful to some people living with this horrible disorder. Thanks for reading!