The Fear Of Eating Out

I think when you're in the comfort of your own home and you're highly aware of what's in the fridge, and when you'll be eating them; dinnertime isn't something that's considered scary. However, take me to any restaurant, pub or cafe, and I am SCREWED! Looking through the menu and just knowing that everything is bad for me, and the fear of just not knowing the calories, or what it's going to do to my body.


Eating out with friends and family are both two different things for me. I think eating out with friends, is kind of when I can make both good and bad decisions with food. I'm either heavily influenced by their choices, or I just go for something that sounds extremely healthy, that actually doesn't taste so good.

(Not my picture, this belongs to my gal Lauren.)

This is one of the meals I've had recently with friends, Deanna and Lauren. This was an offer for 3 Tapas options with a free large glass of wine for £13.95. And honestly? It was probably one of the healthiest options I've ever had. Here's what I had:

• Goat's Cheese & Spinach Croquettes
• Garlic Mushrooms on Sourdough Toast (v)
• Bacon Popcorn

Not gonna lie, I do realise that bacon popcorn isn't the most healthiest option out of the three, however there wasn't anything else there that didn't have a spice. I'm not the biggest spice fan, and especially hate anything with a chilli dip. Altogether though, I honestly loved the food, it was delicious, and I'd definitely try that again!

So that was on Tuesday. It was perf, and then on Thursday, I met up with another friend of mine: Danielle. We went to Nandos which is one of those restaurants that make me nervous. I had a Butterfly Chicken, which was the healthy part. And then chips and garlic bread as sides. I eat rather healthy, so carbs can be okay as well.


If anyone has any tips and tricks for eating out with friends and family, please let me know in the comments below.

Dear Diary; Please forgive me, for I have sinned.

I think that because in the past, writing in my diary was classed as a form of therapy for me; I think is why I've been putting it off. Because of my mental health, and how overthinking makes my emotions turmoil, I think is why I've been avoiding it. However, whenever I get the need - the want, to write in my diary, there’s almost a voice inside my head that tells me not to. Almost dares me, at the same time. And I don’t know why it is. My diary is a safe place. It’s my little book of thoughts and emotions written down, for just me to read. What am I scared of?

I think overall, it’s the old worry from my old job, that maybe someone will read it. A family member, a friend if they see it. Curiosity is everywhere, and you never know. I once caught my dad reading some lyrics I’d written in there. As soon as I did, I called him out on it. He apologised instantly, as he wasn’t aware it was my diary. He thought it was just a notebook with lyrics on. And my dad is one of my biggest supporters when it comes to anything creative. Whether that be editing or writing. He just wants me to follow my dreams. 

Especially last year, when my mental health was constantly up and down, there was this assumption in my head; that if I didn't write it down in my diary, it didn't happen. And I think that's mentally still my thought process. But I should be writing everything down. Because when I'm older, I know I'll want to read back of everything that happened.

I'm slowly on a journey to both love myself, and love my diary again. (Two different journeys - one important and one not so important???) Well, that's what other people think. My diary is something that has always been one of those things that I love having with me. Almost like a comfort blanket.

It sounds silly, but life just sometimes gets in the way. And I feel like, if I want to get something done sometimes, I need to set myself reminders. And it does sound silly. It should be the last thing that I do. Like vlogging, I want to look back at my entries and feel like I'm there all over again.

My love for writing in a diary originated from a British TV Show called My Mad Fat Diary. (If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it!) That show is how I met both Phoebe and Joanne. I was so good 2014-2016 writing in a diary. So I need to get back on it! It's June now, and I feel like I've barely written in it. 

Do any of you guys write a diary, Bridget Jones or Rae Earl style? What kind of diaries do you write in? Is it a daily diary like Bridget? Or is it just a random notebook like myself and Rae? Let me know in the comments below.

Another Hint Of Clarity

It was a moment of clarity, when she realised it was better being the one he could always turn to; rather than being the one on her arm.

It's when she sat beside him, and their arms brushed that she realised, maybe this wasn't what she wanted after all. But instead, it was the laughs they shared, and the jokes they made.

She wondered if she really ever sat down and thought about it, if it was the comforting thought she wanted, or if it was really him. But as she sat there, in that moment, with him sitting beside her; she realised. She would rather have him in her life forever, rather than just for a little while.

And that for her, was clarity.

Are you Beach Body Ready? No? Me Neither...

Continuing on my body positivity on my blog, I wanted to do a small blog post in regards to the whole "beach body ready" saga. I find it really annoying when it's coming to Summer, that there's so many adverts and signs that say, "are you beach body ready?" And then there's some diet pills, shake replacement meals or something else. My question is: what the hell is beach body ready? What body shape makes you look ready for the beach?

When searching it, this is what comes up:


When I personally think of myself and my body being "beach body ready", I always think of this picture:

This is where I felt the most positive about my body. And I can tell you now, my body doesn't look like that. My thighs have gotten bigger, so has my backside, and my love handles are more obvious. But myself and Phoebe have been talking. We're going on holiday in August, and with my body positivity, but also insecurities, I've been wondering about the whole, bikini thing. 

We're going away with my mum, her boyfriend, Thomas (brother), Catherine (sister in law) and the kiddos are all going together, and we're all so, so excited. With so many people going, my anxiety is going sky high, and all I want to do is be at the gym and eating salads. But like Phoebe said, we're all comfortable with each other, so why should I care?

I am still going to go to the gym the same amount of times that I usually go. I will still keep eating healthy, and panic when going out for food. I just need to keep my head focused on my healthy lifestyle that I want. Because after all: a healthy mind is a healthy life. Or is it the other way around?

The point of this post is that if you're getting down over the adverts and posts about being "beach body ready", then don't worry. Your body is beautiful and stop freaking out about not having the right body for the summer. There's no such thing as having the right body, and you need to learn to accept yourself the way you are.

Introducing My Work Space!

I always find that working at a desk, with my notebooks beside me and earphones is where I'm the most motivated. Before I put together a "work space", I would either sit on my bed or sit in the living room working on either a video, writing my book or blog post. And I found they were both places where I would become easily distracted. I found that my work flow just lost its momentum in less that 30 minutes of starting, which then created a backlog of things I wanted to be done, but were extremely delayed.


So after a few months of begging and planning in my head, I decided to bring over the small desk I bought for my mum's that never got used there, and create a small working environment for myself to remained focus. I chose my old bedroom for two reasons. 1: the room is only used when my brother visits with the rest of the family and 2: the internet is poor. Which might make you wonder how that's a good thing. One of my many distractions is my phone, like the rest of my generation. So the further in my room I am, the worse the internet connection is. So it's a win-win. 

So my office essentials are:

• Laptop
• Earphones
• Book/Magazine holder (holding all my notepads that are essential)
• Storage boxes (holding my organiser and smaller notepads - the smaller one is to hide the phone LOL & glue and tippex)
• Storage bin (other small stationery stuff)
• Pen pot
• Stationery equipment (paperclips, pins, etc)
• Memo pad
• Hardrive

If you don't know this by now (seriously how could you not?!), I'm currently writing a book. So S P O I L E R  A L E R T name of the book has been revealed LOLS! But anyway, I sometimes find myself stuck a little and need a little bit of inspiration. So above my desk, I have a vision board of the book, with little edits I've put together and outfit inspirations. When I'm about to give up for the night, I find myself looking up at the board and hoping for inspiration. I also have fairylights around it so I can turn them on and off, as if I'm "on and off the clock". When the lights are off, I'm done. If they're on, I'm working and I'm not available.

The "peace, love & vodka" is a card I saw in Paperchase in the Sale section and I just instantly fell in love with it. I decided it would be a nice addition to my office space.

These books are basically my saving grace! I wanted to do a little section on  these, as I wouldn't be able to function without them!!! So let's talk about them from top to bottom!

1. My organiser; aka the one thing that keeps me on top. This little diary was bought for Christmas by my mum and I LOVE IT! I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting worse as the months go on to keep on track, but I AM TRYING!!!! I just need to learn to stick to it! This little book has every appointment in it, everything I need to do to get shit done on time (lol this post is 3 days late. Blame Bank Holiday!) I know what needs done and I get to check them off when I'm done. Which, lamely, I really love doing.
   
2. My "GIRL BOSS" notebook. In this I basically write down all my blog posts idea and put down all the things I want to write on the post and the idea around it, etc. Joanne bought me this for my birthday, and I'm not gonna lie, I love it for the whole Girl Boss title. Because this is my little "empire" I'm attempting to create. When I've written in my organiser that I'm posting a certain post a few weeks ahead before, going to this notebook helps me remind me the details I wanted to write.
   
3. My blog scheduler - not even kidding! So Anna Saconne-Joly mentioned on her Instagram story a method that really helps her keep on track with her videos and blog posts. Basically it's a lot of checking off and obvs it's something I love. I might do another post about it, so if you want that, let me know! This is technically an extra step that isn't actually needed, but I've found it SO HELPFUL! So, thanks Anna!
   
4. My "Book Ideas" notebook: My holy grail, my love of my life; my sanity. All my ideas for the book I'm writing goes into here. Anything I want to plan to write in future chapters, description of characters, mood boards. Everything goes in here. And it will continue on with any other book I write afterwards (lol I love this book too much and the thought of writing another story makes me emosh!) This is constantly open when I'm writing, checking over details and making sure everything matches.

And last but not least: candles. A not-so-necessary-but-appreciated addition to my office space. I love a cosy atmosphere when I'm working on something quite late. Late as in, it's getting dark and I'm not working the next day. These three were given to me by Phoebe and I thought they were cute. They say: Relax, Breathe, #LetGo. I thought they were appropriate in an office environment. They also have a generic vanilla smell as well, which I always find relaxing.

And that's my lil work space. Trying to get back on top of things at the moment. With writing a book and wanting to upload at least two decent quality blog posts a week, it's getting hard. See ya soon, folks!

Is Online Dating Ruining Romance?

This is a thought process that I've been toying with for a little while now. As you may or may not know, I am single, and obvs looking for love. (🤢🤮) And of course, when it comes to dating/meeting someone in this generation, it's all about online dating. Aka. My worst enemy. I currently have a love/hate with online dating. Mainly because I'm fighting against being a hopeless romantic and also being lazy.

Cons

I find the modern day dating apps quite shallow. For example; Tinder and Bumble both require for you to look at a bunch of images and decide instantly if you're physically attracted to them in just a handful of photos. Then if you're attracted, you swipe left. If you're not, swipe right. If yourself and the other person both swipe yes, you match. And boom. There begins the conversation. I believe that when it comes to dating, yes you need to be attracted to the person in some sort of sense, however it's also a lot more than just that.

 I talked all about my experience with Tinder on my YouTube. Click below to watch that for my full, honest review.

Call me old fashioned, but I always imagined the story of how I met the Love Of My Life not including an online presence. Not straight away, anyway. I want it to be some epic love story, but I also realise how unrealistic that probably is. But like they say in the films: I'm entitled to have high standards. And why should I settle for less? I want a romance to start like they do in films and in books. Not by saying, "he found me fit, so he swiped left."

Pros

It's only fair that if I sit here completely bashing online dating, that I need some arguments from the opposite point of view.

It's an easy tool to use to either meet new people or start "talking" to someone at the comfort of where you are. You don't need to be outside in public in a bar, or a coffee shop. You can be at home, watching TV, listening to music, etc. Online dating can be transported anywhere. It's a limited tool.

Another pro of online dating is that if you're someone like me and you have social anxiety, it's a good way of becoming comfortable before actually having to be face to face with someone. Being put into situations where I have to sit there, start conversations and keep it flowing actually frightens me sometimes. So spending time online and chatting with them in a comfortable environment, learning their little quirks and personality; will then make it easier when meeting it in person.

There's no pressure. You don't need to reply instantly. You can come back to the conversation once you've thought of a logical response, or something interesting. You're not stood opposite them, them looking over at you and waiting for you to finally respond. Which kind of links me back to the social anxiety thing.

Overall, I would prefer an epic love story like you see in the films or read in the books. But with this day and age and how pro-technology this generation is, I don't really think we have a choice on it anymore.

Let me know what your thoughts are online dating. Are you pro dating apps or against them? Let's discuss it in the comments!

Finding My Fitness Feet!

Following my previous post (click here to read it), I thought I would follow up with a brand new instalment. These pictures are hard for me to post, because I'm still battling with feeling self-love and all, but eff it. I'm turning a new leaf.

I like to go to the gym 4/5 times a week. That's usually a mixture of attending gym classes or doing my own workouts. I like the variety, because yes I love my gym and I love the instructors that do the classes, but I don't want to be too dependant on them. I have my own journey that I'm working on fitness wise, and when I get there, I don't want to become lazy and then losing motivation. The type of classes I do are:

• Monday - HIIT
• Tuesday - Kettlebells
• Wednesday - HIIT and Body Conditioning 
• Thursday - (depending on if I'm working or not) Body Conditioning/Rest Day
• Friday - Rest Day
• Saturday - (depending on if I'm working or not) My own workout/Rest Day
• Sunday HIIT

As you can see it's a variety for me. I've purposely started going to the body conditioning classes again, so then it's not all just cardio. I definitely am liking doing some weight work in both classes and on my own. My gym has a weight room and it's so much fun. (If you follow me on Instagram, you'll be able to see some snaps from there when I'm doing my own thing).

I kind of wanted to break down my entire thought process of my gym experience into a bunch of pros and cons. So if you're a nerd like me and enjoy that, then you're in for a right ole treat...

Classes are great, but there's definitely pros and cons to them.

Cons

• Dependant on a teacher to give you the workout
• Can't work on the areas you need, as it's a group workout and everyone needs different areas they're working on
• Can be very repetitive each week

Pros:

• They're more experienced and know what's good for the class as a whole
• Motivates you to keep going on when you're giving up
• A social place 

Those are just a few that I thought I'd mention and add a few on each heading, rather than it being unfair on one point to the other.

If you read my blog, you'll know I do sometimes post my workouts that I've put together. I'm quite aware that I'm no expert and that these are only for what I need to focus on. However, if anyone wants to try them out, that's completely fine. Since I'm constantly changing things up, I'll most probably upload more throughout the year.

I'm still working things out. Figuring what exercises work best for my body. It's a learning process and I want to bring you all along on my journey. Every few months, I'm going to make blog posts all about my progress, what I've changed, etc.

Thanks for reading my long overdue post, and I'll be back with two blog posts next week.